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shivsdirtydeeds' Journal

22nd February, 2004. 10:55 pm. Meeting the parents - went better than expected

The visit to my parents was nowhere near as horrible as anticipated. Severus was civilised as only he knows how ie no sneering, no sarcasm, and making horribly polite chit chat about things. Only one or two minor hitches - like the wedding, how we are going to get my muggle relatives to wherever it is going to be held, not to mention explaining all the weirdly dressed people.

I'm wondering if we can get away with it if we say it's a themed wedding and all of my friends at LoTR fans? Dear god, how absolutely naff. Bung Albus in white and he's a dead ringer for Gandalf; and I expect he'll still expect an invitation.

Tosser.

Severus, bless his little cotton socks, was worried that he was going to be separated from his clothes - in a non-shagging sense - and placed into Muggle attire. Couldn't imagine it being conducive to a comfortable Severus, and an uncomfortable Severus is a Severus who gets aggressive and bad tempered. More aggressive and bad tempered.

Ordinarily have no objection to this as long as it isn't directed at me.

Now that seen him at close quarters am a connoisseur of Severus's strops. Can spot the difference between 'I'm bored and I want someone to pick on - ah, there's a Gryffindor' and 'someone has done something really stupid and I want someone to pick on - fuck, it's a Slytherin' and 'Albus has just climbed onto my mammaries - I'll pick on anyone at all, be it man, woman, or beast' and my own personal favourite 'I'm putting the fear of Severus into you bunch of spotty teenagers so I can spend some time in peace and quiet with my girlfriend'.

So, flooed to the house - parents still not happy with my popping out of nowhere, so apparating out of the question - Severus grumbled a bit but I suspect he preferred the drama of floo. Suspicions confirmed when he added sound effects to his arrival in the form of a thunderclap.

He's never going to get rid of the need to intimidate people when he's feeling nervous.

And why should he? After all, it can't be denied that it's a technique that works. He made it through the war largely unscathed; he gets his own way most of the time; he doesn't spend his Friday nights helping the kiddies master lessons they could perfectly well learn from books if they could ever get over their bibliophobia long enough to actually open one.

Time that could be much better spent pandering to my whims; or me pandering to his whims. It all depends.

Mumsy had done her job well; Dad said nothing other than hello and how are you, though you could see hot words trembling on his lips about older men and former professors. Severus could tell, of course, which made him poker up and could see disaster looming. Fortunately, Mumsy was all warm and welcoming - she used to like Dracula films when she was younger, I think she could see Severus's attractions very well indeed - and he thawed a bit before things got too sticky.

Didn't think that my parents were likely to see the funny side of being on the wrong end of one of his sneers. And would be deeply concerned if either of them thought he was sexy as a result.

Ew.

Clean mind out with soap and water.

Things went better after that. Quickly sat at the table, and lunch started. As always Severus enthusiastic about trying new dishes. He even complimented my mother on her cooking - M & S were actually responsible, which didn't prevent her taking the credit. She can cook, but her view is that life is too short to spend your time with your hand up a chicken's arse.

Actually, she says bum; I'm the one who says arse. It's a good point nonetheless.

It's where I got my cooking skills from. It's not that we don't appreciate fine food; it's just that we appreciate it more when it is cooked by someone else.

Lunch was quiet, after all it's difficult to chat when eating. So conversation necessarily limited to catching up with family events - Severus valiantly tried to work out the family tree, these purbloods take that sort of things seriously - a bit of politics and a bit of sport. Severus mildly bemused by passionate discussion of football tactics, using condiments to illustrate the point. Dad is fusty traditionalist and sticks to 4-4-2; I can see the benefits of 3-5-2 on occasion.

The boys never understood that the reason I didn't like Quiditch had nothing to do with a general dislike of sport at all; Quidditch just plain silly. Football is tactical, skilful, exciting, fast and all the things they allege about Quidditch, only better.

It's a good job the World and European cups were in the summer holidays. Ah, Shearer. My Hero. You could always rely on him to discreetly elbow the opposition in the throat when rising for the ball at either end of the field.

Dad invited Severus to a football match one weekend, and was pleasantly surprised when he agreed.

All going well so far, until discussions moved onto subject of wedding.

When?

Undecided - six months probably.

Where?

Malfoy Manor.

Could see Dad was itching to ask who was paying. Had explained Muggle tradition of bride's father paying for everything to Severus. When he stopped laughing at the oddity of the idea, he informed me that he was going to pay for everything. Of course, what he means is stick Lucius for as much of the bill as possible. Although with house elves, it's not likely to be that much, is it? Might feel guilty otherwise. Not guilty enough to chip in, but mildly guilty.

Could look on it as war reparations I suppose.

So explained that friend was going to give us the wedding as a sort of present. He doesn't know it yet, but that's what we researchers like to call a trifling error in detail.

Ah. And just who is this friend?

Lucius Malfoy.

The one you described as wholly evil and anti-muggle.

That's the one.

Right.

Could see parents exchanging worried looks. How do you explain Lucius to them? Yes, he's bad, but he's also one of Severus's oldest friends, and he's unlikely to revert to muggle hating type in the middle of my wedding.

Not and live to tell the tale.

Can you imagine Lucius's face when he hears that not only does he have to cater to the cream of the Wizarding World, but also 300 muggles? Judging from the smirk on Severus's face, he could imagine that expression all too easily.

Just told parents that Lucius was supposed to be reformed, and that not a problem. Can rely on Lucius's charm to make things right when they meet. Must tell Lucius not to make a pass at mother, although suspect Ginny is keeping him on the straight and narrow by now.

Adjourned to sofa in lounge for tea and cake, and was agreed that matter would be raised with Lucius, Mumsy would begin preparing a list of guests, and she suggested that I should start looking at Bridal magazines for ideas for wedding.

Love the thought of Mumsy and Lucius in discussions over colour of roses etc in muggle magazines. Severus lips twitching so he's highly amused as well.

Issue of bridesmaids then raised - Ginny for one, not sure about anyone else. Maybe Minerva as maid of honour? Cousin Elizabeth will just have to get over her disappointment.

By end of discussion was strongly tempted to tell family that decided to elope to the Caribbean. Oddly enough when mentioned this as a solution to Severus he was against it. It seems he wants a huge wedding. The bigger the better.

Now, what Severus wants Severus normally gets, but why on earth has he suddenly decided that he wants a big wedding?

Shall have to think on this - potential disaster brewing - don't think will be possible to simply sit back and let Lucius and Mumsy do the hard work.

Read 1 Note -Make Notes

16th February, 2004. 10:55 pm. Telling the parents

Woke up early this morning and couldn't go back to sleep. Issue of parents worrying at me. So decided to leave Severus - snoring again! - to catch up on his sleep whilst I drafted a letter. Poor soul wasn't sleeping much without me as reverted back to insomnia and killer temper so has lots to catch up on.

First draft:

Dear Mum and Dad,

I thought I would drop you a line and let you know that I'm engaged.

His name is Severus Snape - yes, THAT Severus Snape, the one I used to suggest boiling in the oil from his own hair, and who I wanted to garrotte when I was at school.

I'm sorry that I didn't tell you earlier but we have only just made it official. Bit of a whirlwind romance really.

Perhaps you'd like to meet him next weekend and come for dinner at the flat?

Love

Hermione



Er, no.


Second Draft

Dear Mum and Dad,

Good news! I've just got engaged.


Definitely not.


Dear Mum,

I think you ought to take Dad to one side and break the news to him gently. I am engaged to be married - don't worry, it's going to be a long engagement, we are going to be sensible.

The bad news is that it is Professor Snape from school. We've been seeing each other for a while - (no need to mention how long) - and he's a lot nicer outside the classroom - (again no need to mention that he's bloody good in it as well).

The good news is that I adore him, and he adores me.

He is a little shy though, and I think he's feeling a bit nervous about meeting the pair of you. If he decides to do the traditional thing and ask for my hand in marriage from Dad, tell him he has to say yes straightaway. I don't want him getting twitchy, or indeed getting away. I think he has visions of you forbidding the wedding and me going along with it. I've told him lots of times that you wouldn't do that, and even if you did do that I would still marry him, but he's a bundle of nerves.

I'd like you to meet him, perhaps next week? Dinner at the flat? I'd like it even more if you could like him, but if you don't could you please just pretend for my sake. We can have the arguments about it later if necessary.

I promise he makes me happy though,

Love

Hermione

That's the one to go with. Despatched it by way of owl before I could change my mind, and then went back in to wake Severus up to a large and late breakfast.

He's making funny huffing noises and I feel a lump in my throat at the thought that so very nearly not able to hear them ever again. Tempered by knowledge that in thirty years time will be ready to put pillow over head when hear them again.

I wave a cup of very strong coffee under his nose, and he takes it without opening his eyes. The transmission of coffee to mouth is effected, and after a few minutes enough caffeine has hit his system that he can actually sit upright and talk. He isn't normally this bad first thing in the morning but as well as not sleeping he's gone from celibacy to marathon shagging in the space of ten minutes. No wonder he's tired, bless him.

He then decides to broach matter of parents. All taken care of, I said. Instructions issued. Told Mum to tell Dad that if asked for hand in marriage he had to say yes.

He's looking a bit shifty. My father didn't expect him to do that surely?

Probably not, I said. And more importantly, I didn't either.

Looks relieved. Almost tempted to make him do it for comedy value.

Looks worried again. I don't want a big wedding do I?
Definitely not.

Happy to put matter into hands of caterers for the reception and take no further interest. Perhaps ask Lucius if he could do it at the Manor - nice place, fabulous house-elves, and Lucius would be in his element. You can see him going all Lawrence Llewellyn-Bowen about the whole thing, arguing about whether the table cloth was quite the right shade of pink, and changing the roses to match my dress.

If he had got to rule the world, by god, it would have been colour co-ordinated.

It's a shame really that all that organisational ability should be going to waste simply because he's an unrepentant bigot. I think he hopes Draco is going to be able to recover the Malfoy fortunes - in the power stakes, still as rich as always - by means of Harry. Suspect sole reason he didn't throw wobbler of immense proportions when Draco broke the news was that he could see the political benefits. Well that and the fact that he could never refuse his son anything from Nimbus 4000 to a saviour of the Wizarding World of his own.

Suspect he's a little disappointed by their lack of power-crazedness and lies awake at night wondering whether Narcissa played him false. But why doesn't he want to rule the world? He must do, he's a Malfoy.

Severus much struck by idea and busy thinking of ways of manipulating Lucius into thinking it's his idea. Suggestion that we simply ask him quickly dismissed as risible. Spent some time watching him being all Slytherin and was just on point of suggesting another shag - have to make up for lost time - when owl returned.

Simple note from Mother

Hermione

Message received. Wilco over and out

Mum


Wilco he asks?

Will comply, I reply. Mum will soon have Dad sorted out.

Where do you think I got it from?

Make Notes

15th February, 2004. 10:55 pm. Later that day

If anyone was naïve enough to think that Albus was going to regret his interference on our lives - of his own accord, rather than as a result of some beard destroying charm - they would have had their little preconceptions destroyed within hours. Severus and I had nipped out to lunch at Hogsmeade after the little Potions Classroom incident, pausing only to put on some clothes, only to find a note waiting for him on our return asking him to 'drop in and see me about a special project I have in mind."

Ah, so the torture begins, I had mocked.

Severus has a very well-developed sense of humour on some occasions. Chiefly at other people's misery or discomfort to be entirely fair, so to say that he was about as happy as a three year old who has just had his taken his toy away would be understating things by a considerable margin.

Still he does look sexy when he's pouting. He looks sexy when he's grumpy - which is lucky really bearing in mind how irritable he is. Actually he looks bloody sexy all the time. Told him this, and he cheered up marginally. Problem is that comment obviously reminded him that Dumbledore clearly not going to make things easy for us.

Had to listen to fifteen minute rant on lack of subtlety of Gryffindors, coupled with wholly contradictory diatribe on their underhanded sneakiness.

Decided that not best time to point out that Dumbledore cannot both be underhanded and unsubtle. Also decided on mature reflection that was true - he is a sneaky, underhanded cheat, he's just not very good at it - due to lack of subtlety.

Also decided not to ask whether sure he is a Gryffindor because not brave, and doesn't keep his word, eminently not trustworthy. Sounds like Slytherin traits to me - best beloved apart. Could consider him to be Gryffindor on basis that only someone brave would want to cross both me and Severus twice in quick succession, and before the black eyes have faded as well. Decided that more likely to be stupidity though.

Dumbledore definitely Slytherin. Make mental note to look him up somewhere and find out for sure. Would be distinctly Slytherin thing to do to pass self of as Gryffindor and hence trustworthy.

Make further mental note to get something on the bastard so that he can't keep doing this.

Severus, having built up a head of steam, then decides to flounce off to give Dumbeldore a piece of his mind - sorry, that should be attend the meeting. He was a bit surprised when I followed him. Asked, in exasperated terms, whether I thought he wasn't capable of dealing with antediluvian bearded tit; pointed out that had every confidence in him, but might be useful to have someone to hold his hands when Severus hit him, and that also it gets me all excited when he's so DOMINANT (brings back happy memories of potions classes) and so was actually going along to perv.

One of few times that ever seen Severus lost for words and blushing.

Nearly didn't make it to meeting, but pointed out that Dumbledore best sorted out straight away, and that once worked up into suitable frame of mind had no intention of letting him out of bed for rest of day. He needs to be put into post-shag euphoria of a lifetime so can discuss tricky topic of meeting parents. Must get round to tell them that engaged; to my ex-teacher; who is twenty years older than me; who used to be a Deatheater; and who I used to call the most appalling names when I was a pupil. Behind his back, obviously.

I can see that conversation going very well. That's why I've decided to tell them by post. Give them time to get over shock before actually meet them.

Shall tell them that Severus shy - which is sort of true - and therefore likely to be quiet. The only thing that I shall tell Severus is that even if my parents take an instant and longlasting dislike to him that we will still be getting married.

So we went to see the Headmaster. Albus wasn't pleased to see me - can't think why - and made some snide comment about this being a teaching matter.

Suspicions confirmed. Wanted Severus to do some sort of remedial potions classes on weekends.

Arsehole.

As if.

I mean guaranteed misery for poor Severus - hates teaching at the best of times, and tends to Darwinian theory of selection when it comes to potions. You get to take Advanced Potions precisely because you've survived the previous year without poisoning self or blowing self up. He's always set the curriculum to weed out the most useless students: if you've had your nose drop off a couple of times, you tend to think of taking Advanced Transfiguration as being the softer option.

So Severus wouldn't be happy with the idea of encouraging dunderheads even if it wasn't taking him away from me.

So Severus shouts and storms about the office - not joking about effect of him being stroppy either. He turns towards me and winks in mid tirade. He's using the tantrum as some bizarre form of foreplay. It's working. Getting a bit flushed and feeling very frisky.

Decide to cut meeting short so can get back to more important things.

Apply same tactics on Albus that were much practiced on Draco to good effect during first half of seventh year - before we realised that the glares he was exchanging with Harry were not I-hate-you-and-I-want-to-kill-you but I-want-to-fuck-your-brains-out.

Odd boy.

Should have just asked Harry and saved them both a lot of aggravation.

Tactics consist of hard stare, coupled with meaningful wand twirling.

Penny dropped very quickly with Albus. Rapid change of mind. Proposal put into reverse. Result.

Such a gutless tosser.

Severus feeling all smug and full of himself afterwards. Looks sexy when he's smug. It's nice to see he's enjoyed himself. And he had. Fundamental part of Slytherin make up - they like winning.

Severus has tendency to oscillate between two extremes: what you might call Eeyore Severus - all misery and mopey and convinced no one loves him - and what you might call Tigger Severus - not that he's ever bouncy or fun fun fun fun fun (might become so with decent treatment over long period, we shall see) but he's definitely convinced that the most wonderful thing about Severus's is that he's the only one. Which one you get depends on whether he's getting his own way over things.

Definitely Tigger Severus today. God's in his heaven and all's right with the world. He's practically giddy with self-satisfaction, and definitely feeling amorous. What a coincidence, so am I.

We decide to try the novelty of a bed for once. We don't exactly dawdle when it comes to the removal of clothes and soon we're naked on the bed, engaged in a mock struggle for supremacy. Decide that, since I was on top last time, that his turn to be in charge. He does so enjoy winning. So he rolls me beneath him, and he's pinning me to the bed, and he's all hot and heavy and urgent above me, and I pull him to me and refuse to let him go - EVER - even when we've finished.

So we end up clutched together like some latter day Laocoon, only without the snake. Unless you count Not-so-little-Severus.

So aren't you going to mention your parents now? You usually wait until the afterglow to take advantage he says.

Oh dear, am becoming obvious. Will have to change tactics. So pretend innocence and say that nothing further from my mind.

Calls me a liar and adds and don't think I didn't see what you were doing in Dumbledore's office either he says.

So tell him that we are a couple now, and that never have to face things on his own again, even if perfectly capable of doing so.

Small pause whilst he works this one out, then mutters 'Snice in my hair and promptly falls asleep.

Parent discussion have to wait then. Wouldn't put it past him to be faking it to avoid the issue.

My sneaky little Severus.

Emphasis very much on MY.

Make Notes

15th February, 2004. 2:55 pm. Ooooh detention again

Didn't go back to the party as Severus clinging to me like sailor to raft after a shipwreck. Suspect it will last for another couple of hours and then he will be back to usual grumpy bastard self. Wouldn't have it any other way. If all else fails I'll make him give me another detention, after all we could actually use the potion's classroom. That should perk him up a treat, and before you know it he will be back issuing orders and snapping at people like normal.

Obviously not at me or he'll be taking his bollocks home in a paper bag.

Ears then, ears home in a paper bag. Wouldn't want him to lose the use of his bollocks. Not even if wearing them as earrings would get me promotion. That's true love that is.

Haven't got a thing to wear as last night's clothes in shreds. Wouldn't have fancied popping into breakfast in a ballgown either. A little overdressed and slightly in poor taste. Dobby springs to the rescue and nips up to see Ginny who has come prepared for a morning after the night before, and has some spare kit. I expected she'd be making some pointed remarks at breakfast.

Pop Severus into the bath. In fit of whimsy conjure up a rubber duck for him. Offer to wash his hair well received. Offer to wash my back well received; oddly enough though he seems to concentrate almost entirely on my front.

Thought Severus would be mildly reluctant to go upstairs and face Dumbedore, but he's looking forward to it. Suspect he got up early and did a little sneering practice and has doubtless thought of some nice throwaway lines to rub salt into the wound.

Little tinker.

Actually being snide to the headmaster would be better for him than giving a detention when it comes to re-building self esteem. Think we can look forward to a breakfast of two dominant males fighting for control of the pack. Not that Dumbledore that dominant that I've ever heard of, even if the rumours about him and Minerva are true. Don't think he'll be getting much sympathy from her at the moment. Must remember to apologise to her about the harridan thing. Bit harsh.

Breakfast goes well to start with. No Dumbledore and given every chance to wrap myself around a substantial breakfast. You can't beat house elf cooking. Definitely better than mine. Minerva being less frosty than normal and unbends enough to congratulate us on engagement. I say sorry for being rude, and Severus has difficulty not sniggering when he hears what I called her.

He should have heard what I called him is all I can say.

Ginny and Lucius potter in together and both look very tired but happy. Can't think what they've been up to at all. She smirks at me, and I smirk at her; meanwhile the boys are exchanging looks of immense satisfaction. Suspect they are only two steps away from putting up a big sign saying, I Had Sex Last Night. I Was Very Good. They don't change much over the years, boys, other than to get worse.

Then Dumbledore arrives. His nose is squashed and he has two lovely black eyes. So happy I can't tell you. Almost as happy as when Severus caved in, sorry came to his senses.

Dumbledore less than impressed with the five happy, smiling faces that greet him. The girls and me are just smiling, but Lucius and Severus are doing the patented Slytherin supercilious faint smile with added sneer. Like two book ends.

He stops in front of us and says in very clipped tones that I will not be welcome at Hogwarts and would never be so whilst he remains Headmaster and that he must ask me to leave the premises. Adding for good measure that after my assault on him last night, I should be grateful that I'm not going to Azkaban.

So then Minerva pipes up and tells me to stay put and that I would always be welcome at Hogwarts, and that as far as she could remember no assault occurred last night. His injuries were sustained in a fall that had clearly addled his memory and Madam Pomfrey would swear to the same.

Goes down like a cup of cold sick.

Wonderful.

So then he starts on how the rules at Hogwarts forbid professors from having overnight shags in their rooms.

Minerva ripostes with comments about the number of Knockturn Alley whores he's had through his chambers in the years he's been at Hogwarts, and how he ought to have installed a turnstile. So not true about her and Albus then.

Goes down worse than a cup of cold sick, cup of warm sick perhaps.

Dumbledore gets all magisterial at this point, which is easy with the robes and the beard, despite the fact his is a tosser. He puts his foot down. Which is his fourth mistake and I am just reaching for my wand, as is Severus, when Lucius says that as he is so insistent that it was either him or me, he would have a word with the governors about getting him removed. Delivered in very airy tones, but you could hear the vultures circling. The body was still twitching, but it was very nearly dead.

Took Dumbldore all of five minutes to think of a way out of it. Started chatting to Severus as if he had never tried to ruin his life. Asked about when we were planning to get married, and then moved quickly on to how he always knew we were suited to each other after all, and that his interference had been taken out of context.

Fuckwit.

Severus not taking any of this from the little tosser, and starts talking about how marriage means more expenses and more responsibility.

Dumbledore looked blank until Minerva whispered in his ear - DADA.

Dumbledore went red then white then red again, his lips thinned as he said between gritted teeth that he would be delighted to offer Severus the DADA job at the beginning of next term. No one trusted the bastard an inch, so we got him to put it in writing. The peace accord was signed with due ceremony and Severus and I were toasted - was only tea but the thought was there. Think it nearly choked Dumbledore.

Pity it was only nearly.

Severus a very happy boy.

Dumbledore rushed his way through breakfast so he could scuttle back under whatever rock he normally hides under and spend the rest of the day muttering about the unfairness of life in general and me in particular. When he stood up he threw me a filthy look, and I thought I had better make some sort of conciliatory comment.

Not what happened. The inner bitch took over and what I actually said was: If I were you I'd just be grateful you didn't say over my dead body. Gave him a very level look. Think he got the message that if he fucked with my boy again he wouldn't be getting off with a chinning next time.

Lucius had to put his oar in and commented that it was quite the most romantic thing he'd seen in ages. Issuing threats to kill. Quite like the old days. Brought back happy memories of Bellatrix.

Ginny not amused. He'll have to watch that clever mouth of his - there are some things she doesn't have a sense of humour about. Not that much of that was amusing. Actually it was but I am turning into something of an evil bitch in my own right. Sure he does it to get a reaction.

Then moved on to make some sort of comment about how muggleborns always seemed to forget they were magical in times of stress and resorted to vulgar physical violence.

Now that wasn't funny.

She wasn't going to let that one pass without response.

She told him that problem with purebloods is that so arrogant that they don't pay enough attention to their own culture. If they did, they would have read Hogwarts: a History and realised that the Headmaster is tied into the wards of the castle and that the only reason Voldemort couldn't take a little faker like Dumbledore was some 300 year old protection a half competent witch in her first year could have breached in twenty minutes.

She exaggerated for effect as would take brilliant witch - me - half an hour and took me until my seventh year to work it out. But they never asked me did they?

For the first time ever I think Lucius really looks at me without the mudblood blinkers on and has a long hard think about why they lost the war.

Valuable lesson delivered I think. If he and Ginny are going to be more than a quick shag he needs to have a bit of a re-think of some of his attitudes rather than paying lip service to being the new improved non-prejudiced Lucius who only really changed sides because his missis got the chop. And the dice as well from what I hear. Sorry, in very poor taste.

Not to mention the fact that, grateful for his help though I am, he needed a bitch slap.

He looks a bit thoughtful although whether that is because he is re-thinking his entire attitude to mudbloods or thinking about shagging Ginny - all true about fiery redheads - I can't tell. Possibly both.

We all go our several ways, Ginny and Lucius off to pack; Severus and I head back to the dungeons. As we pass the potions classroom I catch his eye.

Well he needs something to put a smile on his face for the rest of the term. Call it a farewell to potions. Presume that means we should christen the DADA classroom as well. Severus thinks so.

He scuttles off to find his second best teaching robes and I settle into my usual chair. It's a little smaller than I remember it. I transfigure my clothes into school robes and wait. I am sure he likes to use his real robes so he can wear them to class before they get cleaned.

He sweeps into the room with all his usual panache. Little frisson runs down the spine. Mouth suddenly dry I remarked on how extremely shaggable he looked. Slipped out of character a bit with a happy smile and then scowled at me and told me off for being impertinent.

Sorry sir.

Had to apologise and mean it.

Wide eyed and innocent: whatever do you mean sir? And if he thinks there is any foot kissing going on there will be trouble. So what does the Master of Shagging want? Not the obvious blow job it must be said. Which is a relief because the floors are cold and hard, and would be murder on the knees.

He wants me to clean out a cauldron. One of the big ones that you can hardly reach the bottom.

For a second I am mildly puzzled as to where it is all going, well not so much where as how. Let's be honest, I know exactly what we will be doing in about ten minutes time, fifteen if he's feeling decidedly kinky, but what on earth does he want me to clean the cauldron for?

30 seconds into the cleaning I have a fairly good idea. There I am, arse waggling in the air, too short robe riding up and giving him the sort of show usually reserved for the sleazier muggle lapdancing clubs.

You must admit, he has a real talent for making the most out of every situation. I put some particularly spectacular wiggle in whilst scrubbing away at the bottom, like the hardworking good girl that I am.

From the sharp intake of breath I can tell it's having the desired effect. Which is a relief because I'd forgotten just how much damned hard work goes into cleaning a cauldron. I can hear him coming closer, and then I can feel his hot little person pressing against me.

Am I about to let someone take me from behind whilst bent over a cauldron?

Actually, no. Interesting idea though it is, I'm not.

Severus is somewhat surprised when I stand up. He is even more surprised, but pleasantly so, when I start working at the buttons on his jacket. He watches it sail across the classroom, soon to be joined by his shirt, with amused resignation. The smile fades from his face as I start on his trousers. I seem to have his full attention now.

I am backing him up until he hits the potions desk. He is too tall to kiss comfortably when standing, although it doesn't stop me giving it a damn good try. The answer is obvious though - get horizontal - fortunately, it's a very large desk.

He's happy enough to perch on the desk and then be pushed back on the desk, taking me with him as he goes. There is an undignified scramble whilst I manoeuvre for position, and there we are. He is sprawled out naked beneath me. My robe goes flying as well, followed by my underwear, and we are back to the very serious business of kissing.

He keeps trying to gain the upper hand, but I'm quite happy on top thank you. Eventually he concedes the point. It's difficult to do anything else when someone has a grip on Not-so-little-Severus that you really don't want them to release. It adds a whole new meaning to having someone by the short and curlies.

He does look gorgeous all splayed out at my mercy, all pink and flushed and begging to be taken. Literally and metaphorically. It would take a harder heart than mine to tease him anymore. It's a tricky change in position and I am in imminent danger of falling off on to the floor - they do say that danger adds to the spice of an encounter.

I rise above him, and then sink down in what is rapidly becoming a practiced motion. This time I have a better idea of what I can do. Not simply limited to up and down, but shifting my hips round and round at the same time; a little shimmy here, a little shimmy there.

I decide not to ask him whether he likes that on the basis it is bleeding obvious that he does, and I have already told him off for asking stupid questions. Instead I ask him whether he is a bad boy. He's not sure what the right answer is, and he really doesn't want to give the wrong response in case I stop. He takes a wild guess and admits that he is.

Right answer.

Has he been a very bad boy.

He nods his head.

Does he deserve to be punished?

He's not sure about that. I drop a subtle hint by stopping moving; the right answer is yes.

Yes he says. Oh yes.

Which is all he says for several minutes until his whole body arches beneath me. He stays hard for long enough for me to join him.

He chuckles weakly and says if that is supposed to be a punishment he is prepared to be very very naughty in future.

That sounds fun.

He's going to have a very pleasant memory to dwell on in potions lessons from now on.
I think we can safely say that I have graduated with flying colours when it comes to this sex kitten business.





Have got Severus back.

Have chinned Dumbledore. (And don't think that's the end of it either, you old goat!)

Have had detention in the potion's classroom. And come out on top.

Go me!

Make Notes

14th February, 2004. 2:55 pm. Together again

Dobby finished in the bedroom and sneaked out. Severus didn't notice as he was too busy with his new ear muffs. It hadn't taken long for him to take advantage of his situation and start nuzzling hopefully at my chest.

Have we moved on to the shagging senseless part he asked hopefully.

Oh yes I say.

There is a lot of stuff to sort out. But it can wait. Probably best to get a little Slytherin top up first. Tactics, you know. And the poor little sod looks in need of reassurance.

Pull Severus's hair out of the way and tuck it behind and ear so can get look at him. He really looks dreadful, but at least that pinched look has gone from round his eyes. Make mental note to hunt Dumbledore down tomorrow and do something really really nasty to him.

Kiss him on the end of his nose. Either he moves up or I slide down, but somehow we end up kissing, and who cares how we manage it as long as we do manage it. My hand lodges itself on the nape of his neck, or it tries to; there is a quick scrabble, and I nearly throttle him as I pull his collar off. Much better. He seems to agree; he's like a little puppy having its ears scratched, eyes half closed in pleasure.

Ahem, and what about me?

He undoes the laces on the corset, and slips it off. One hand starts working its magic on the right earmuff, whilst the other hand is making its way through the slit in the skirt. He is taken aback to find that I am wearing underwear. He raises an eyebrow. I explain that it is cold out and there was always the possibility that he would say no.

Not likely he says. That's why he sent an owl rather than coming face to face with me. He couldn't say no to me then. That's a useful piece of information to file away for future reference. He is obviously at low ebb to be making that kind of admission.

He realises what he has said when I smirk at him. He just looks rueful and says I would have worked it out eventually. Smirk broadens.

I pull his head up into a kiss, tender at first and then more passionate. Severus appears to be going for the Tongue Wrestling All Comers Championships; I let him win.

His attention returns to the job in hand, and the underwear goes sailing across the room to land on the top of one of the bookcases. Think I'll leave it there in the morning. Nice reminder for him when he comes back to his quarters after a heavy day's teaching.

He slides down but the skirt is too tight for him to get where he wants. After a couple of attempts at the zip - his hands appear to be shaking badly, and it's not just because he hasn't had a drink in ages - he gets impatient, and literally rips the thing off me.

Then he starts nipping and biting his way along my thighs. There are going to be so many marks there tomorrow. I think it's a territorial thing; he wants to mark me as his territory. Two can play at that game.

He finally latches on to what is coyly referred to as nether lips in so many romances. By this time I am literally trembling in anticipation. The lips, the tongue, the fingers, the nose, all combine in a marvellous symphony of movement with a chorus of whimpers for accompaniment.

I think we are in for a fast and furious conflagration tonight rather than a slow burn.

I tug at his shoulders, and he takes the hint. He moves back up my body and our hands move in a mad scramble to undo as many of his buttons as possible. Not-so-little-Severus makes a welcome re-appearance in my life, whilst my hands burrow round his back underneath his jacket. I intend to leave marks of my own.

He fits himself between my thighs with his trousers at half-mast. We probably look damned silly, but it's wonderful to have him lodged back where he should be. He is heavy, crushing me into the sofa as he moves into me.

He's setting a vigorous pace, and my fingers are leaving crescent moons in his back, and we are both saying some very silly things. And then I am arching up beneath him, sinking my teeth into his shoulder and hissing 'mine' as I come. Damned right two can play that game.

He follows soon after, and collapses on top of me, squashing what little breath is left out of me.

It's bloody uncomfortable but I refuse to let him move for a bit.

Gradually we separate a little. There isn't really enough room for both of us in the sofa so we head off to bed. He looks ruefully at the dress, and apologises for his enthusiasm.

Point out that not a problem as not mine. I don't think Ginny will mind somehow.

We end up plastered together on the bed, both reluctant to let go. Now is the time to strike, when he is feeling at peace with the world.

So, what was that all about?

It wasn't just what Dumbledore said, although that didn't help it seems. He thought it was all moving too quickly to be real. Tell him he's a silly sod still, and that all he had to do was say that and we could have had a longer engagement.

Oh.

Boys really aren't very good at this sort of thing. You do wonder how they end up running the world sometimes, when they can't organise their personal lives. Probably the reason why, come to think of it. Get out of the house as fast as possible in the morning to avoid awkward conversations, stay late working hard to avoid ditto, and use it as an excuse to get out of doing anything vaguely like work round the household.

So that's settled then. Long engagement, set a date in six months time, so probably be Mrs Snape sometime next year. Still get to have holiday in Venice, just won't be a honeymoon. Acid test to see whether we can put up with each other for long periods of time. If not, we will live apart and only meet at the weekend. DAMNED if I am giving him up just because he is impossible to live with.

He has a bit of a whittle about Dumbledore who put the frighteners on about me upping and leaving Severus when I came to my senses

Say that there are only three things in this life that will make me leave him. If he raises a hand to me, if he is unfaithful to me, and if he pulls a stunt like this again. Are we clear?

Apparently we are clear. Says he'd never do the first two, bit hurt that I think he would. I certainly don't think he would, or I wouldn't be sleeping with him, however think that clarity is important.

What if I kill someone? he wants to know.

Depends who. If it's Dumbledore you had in mind, I'll help.

He snorts.

We'll have to go back upstairs and sort out what is going to happen about Dumbledore, his job, the rest of it but not right now. We need a little time together to breathe it all in.

And I have to tactfully point out that he needs a wash and a clean up before he goes back out on public display. Not having my future husband looking like something from Azkaban thank you very much.

Make Notes

14th February, 2004. 10:55 am. Dumbledore bites the dust

I haven't really felt like keeping my diary over the last couple of weeks. All it would have been was a count down to tonight. We - when I say we I mean Lucius - managed to get Ginny another ticket by putting the frighteners on one of the other governors so they too would be able to have a romantic evening.

Ginny spent ages getting ready, then spent ages getting me ready. Wore same dress as at New Years. She wanted me to wear something different but I put my foot down. It had always worked for me in the past, I was sure it would work for me again.

Look on Dumbledore's face when I turned up this evening was priceless.

Was prolonged and outraged muttering in the corner as he tried to persuade Lucius that he couldn't bring me in. Lucius being perfectly charming and urbane in the way that tells you that he is on the point of doing something very nasty. Even Dumbledore quailed in the face of that. Then he tried to get McGonagall to have a word with us. Typical Dumbledore to try and get someone to do his dirty work for him.

Picked the wrong woman this time. It appears that Severus's behaviour been so erratic over the last three weeks that she is prepared to overlook the previous comments and help me to track him down.

Severus not happy to see me. Good job that not soppy and romantic as would have been upset to see him sulking. However, was actually happy to see him looking so miserable. Wouldn't expect him to be happy to see his ex-(as he thinks)fiancée walk into the room with another man. Not if he still cares.

Therefore sulking a good sign I assured myself. Bloody annoying though, would have preferred him to throw himself at my feet and beg for forgiveness.

He looks bloody awful. There are dark circles under his eyes which look like nothing more than piss-holes in the snow. He had lost weight, and looked even more sallow than usual. He had obviously stopped using the muggle shampoo as well.

It was wonderful to see him again. Although was visited with burning desire to hex him, slap his face, wash his hair, and grab hold of him and never let him go again all at once.

Dumbledore was still trying to prevent me from going to talk to Severus. He kept appealing to McGonagall for moral support. It wasn't fair that I should come here and disturb his peace and quiet when he was doing so well. McGonagall snorted at that. Severus very clearly not doing well at all. He keeps watching me from the corners of his eyes which is encouraging.

And then it all becomes blindingly clear when Dumbledore's irritation with Minerva bubbled over and he turned to her and said, "For heaven's sake, Minerva, can't you be a bit more supportive. The situation is clearly ridiculous, and the sooner Miss Granger accepts it the better. As I said to Severus when he asked me to be his best man, I have never seen such an ill-suited pair in my life. The age difference alone…"

That was his first mistake.

He prattled on for a couple more minutes on the difficulties that Severus and I would face. Minerva recovered from her shock first and was tugging his sleeve, whispering to him to shut up. An expression of the most intense hatred flashed across Lucius's face before relaxing into his usual bland and supercilious expression.

I had stopped listening. There was a peculiar buzzing noise in my ears. I saw red - literally - and my vision abruptly focused on Dumbledore's stupid mouth flapping open and shut in front of me.

I think I must have lost my temper a bit. I remember telling him to Shut. Up. in a very quiet voice. He didn't.

That was his second mistake.

I chinned him.

He fell back, swaying a little. Being head butted was obviously a bit of a shock. He tried to draw his wand on me.

That was his third and final mistake.

I punched him very hard, catching him on the point of the chin and knocked him out cold. His head made a lovely sound as it hit the marble.

I took a couple of deep breaths. Now for the interesting bit.

Stalked up to Severus, grasped him very firmly by the arm and asked him if he was going to come quietly.

Said he never had before. Knew then that was going to be alright. The desire to grab hold of him and never let go won and just seized hold of him. Think he was feeling the same way as was in imminent danger of not being able to breathe.

The next thing I was aware of was Lucius and Minerva giving me a round of applause. Harry and Draco joined in, Ginny was laughing, and soon the rest of the room was applauding me.

They didn't know why mind you, but I had just twatted Dumbledore who isn't anywhere as popular as he thinks he is. We've all been on the wrong end of his meddling too often. Madam Pomfrey for instance was very conspicuously not rushing over to treat his head.

Lucius came over to shake Severus's hand. Severus asked him to be best man. Said Ginny would have to be bridesmaid and pointed out that muggle custom meant that best man had to shag a bridesmaid. Lucius just smirked.

The said would have to excuse us as Severus and I were nipping to his quarters where he would be shouted at a bit for being a prat and then would be shagged senseless. He winced a bit at the first item on the agenda but his eyes lit up at the thought of the second.

Didn't take long to get back to his quarters. Had vague impression of books and firewhiskey bottles and a filthy bed. He looked a bit shamefaced. Summoned Dobby and got him to clear up.

Severus wouldn't let go of my hand. Decided not to shout at him too much. Poor little soul looked a bit shell shocked and not sufficiently Slytherined at the moment to take advantage of that.

Once I've had a little top up though…

Sat down on sofa which appeared to be moderately clean at least in comparison to rest of his rooms. He sat next to me, hesitated for a moment, and then buried his head between my breasts.

Dumbeldore is a cunt I said.

He nodded

You are a twat I said.

He nodded.

You will never do that again.

He shook his head.

Next time you will talk to me about it.

He nodded.

Really? I said.

Probably not he said. It was very muffled.

Do you think you've been shouted long enough?

He nodded.

You're still a twat though.

He couldn't deny it.

Make Notes

26th January, 2004. 11:55 pm. And the answer is....

Plotting is complete but have long wait until it can be put into practice. Valentine's day may be nice for symbolic reasons but not sure I can wait that long.

Lucius displayed all the attributes that makes Malfoys so special. Never mind, he came through in the end. Though how much of that is to do with wanting to please Ginny I don't know. Can't imagine that he wants to help me.

The same gang as before assembled in the afternoon in the drawing room. Afternoon tea was served. Very odd sitting there being handed cucumber sandwiches, earl grey and very nice little cakes. Has to be said that afternoon tea the most civilised invention.

Ron opened the discussion by asking whether I was sure I wanted to get Severus back? Pansy looked daggers at him. Very funny to think that she is jealous of him. His technique must have improved immensely for her to think anyone else would want him.

I know they say that size doesn't matter, but still.

Said he's an arrogant, irritable, bad tempered git. He is however my arrogant, irritable, bad tempered git. Or as much as he wants to be. Anyway I've noticed that he's much more polite to grown ups who can answer him back or who he intends to shag in the immediate future. Said at the very least we had to have a chat so I could give him the ring back, but that whilst the workings of Severus's mind remain a complete bloody mystery to me, seemed incontrovertible that he was not a happy bunny. Therefore seemed at least likely that rapprochement would be welcome. Pansy translated the long words for him.

Lucius then suggested that the since I couldn't get through the wards all I had to do was wait until he next left Hogwarts and catch up with him then. Theoretically possible but not sure that Severus going to be in a fit state to go anywhere for the next six months. Not the rate he's drinking.

Lucius started waxing lyrical about tracking him through Hogsmead, stunning him and keeping him captive until he agreed to marry me. Alternatively could get Dobby to plant a portkey in his rooms - probably in the shape of a bottle of firewhiskey - and could be brought to place of my choosing for in depth discussions.

Very kindly offered me the use of his dungeons.

Waxed even more lyrical on the subject of the delights of submission, and being kept simmering on the edge of sexual ecstasy for hours and how Severus would agree to anything after that.

Everyone is looking at him with open mouths. Including Draco. Suspect he, Ginny and I were just thinking of when the next opportunity would arise to put that into action. Everyone else is just thinking dear god, all the rumours are true.

Only Ginny and I know that Lucius is most likely picturing himself as the 'victim' being tormented in this case. She winks at me.

I thank Lucius for his contribution and say that shall certainly keep that in mind for plan B. Wink at Ginny. She gets the idea that may well be serious part of Plan A as well.

Then Lucius asks how I intend to get passed the Hogwarts wards. All sneering pureblood, it can't be done superiority. Soon wiped smug patronising expression from his face. Tell him that I have thought of four ways:

Dumbledore probably forgotten to set temporal wards. Therefore, acquire a time turner, go back to day before wards changed, enter grounds, go forward to the present - seek and locate Severus. Shag senseless until agrees to marry me.

Could persuade Minerva to ask me to enter, after suitable apology to her for calling her a harridan etc. Sure she could be persuaded. And not in the Lucius sense either. Ditto shagging.

Is the Hogsmeade tunnel - the wards likely only run along the surface of the ground. No one ever thinks of blocking below ground. In fact may just be necessary to dig a little hole in the ground to create a gap under the wards and slip beneath. Likely to be spotted though and need plenty of time to talk to Severus, not to mention all the shagging.

The other way is quite simply to dismantle all the wards round Hogwarts.

Lucius is startled and asks whether I am sure I could do this. Ron and Harry just nod. Of course I could. Point out that there are several holes in the Malfoy Wards that mean that I could break through them given half an hour and enough willpower to do it. Looks a bit taken aback.

That's the problem with purebloods you see, they think that because something has been done the same way for 500 years that it is the best / only way. So I explain. No one has touched the Hogwarts wards for 300 years. This means that there are any number of advances in charms that have taken place in the following years. Easy enough to take them down. Probably easier than the Malfoy wards because each successive generation of paranoid psychopaths has tweaked them. Only reason Voldemort not tried to break into Hogwarts is he took it for granted that it couldn't be done.

Each plan has flaws. Not the least of which is the potential time in Azkaban - illegal use of timeturners, or dismantling the wards would be the worst; the Hogsmead tunnel would be breaking and entering and carries a mere 6 months in chokey.

Can't imagine that Minerva would go against Dumbledore, but that looked to be the best choice.

Lucius was smirking the kind of smirk that is usually reserved for a married man who has spent the afternoon with his girlfriend and got away with it.

There is another way into Hogwarts it seems. The valentine's ball. The governors have been invited. And there is the invitation in black letters - Lucius Malfoy and Guest.

Cinderella you SHALL go to the ball.

Make Notes

25th January, 2004. 11:55 pm. Council of war

Very tired from snivelling last night so slept late. Emotional turmoil is very draining. Shall avoid it as much as possible in future. Severus needs to realise that if he does this to me again, flaying will be too good for him. By the sounds of it though he is suffering almost as much as I could hope for.

Had breakfast in bed as was playing weak heroine and couldn't face the Malfoys over the breakfast table. Was listening to some opera when Harry came to see me. Took me some time to realise why he was looking so worried. He thought that listening to Madam Butterfly was a sign I was considering suicide.

Daft sod.

Murder maybe.

Pointed out that whilst thought the music was brilliant, was less than impressed with the plot. If I had been Butterfly I would either have poisoned the new Mrs Pinkerton, had Pinkerton done for bigamy, or sold them the kiddy for an awful lot of money. What I wouldn't have done is stab myself in the stomach with a big sword and let the bastard get away with it.

Reminded Harry of these views - often trotted out at dinner parties, annoys the hell out of the opera buffs. He seemed a little more relaxed that not in any imminent danger of hurling self through window.

He's never been the sharpest knife in the drawer, bless him. Girls still a complete mystery to him. In fact often wonder if that is the reason he picked Draco. Though not sure he is the easiest boy to understand, at least you aren't supposed to understand him. Can therefore explain away fact misunderstood him as being due to his slytherin cunning and mystery. Draco's ego flattered as a consequence - result lots of hot sex.

Was coaxed downstairs for lunch. Bit subdued really. Oddly enough wasn't finding appetite gone and managed to eat substantial quantities of a very nice stew. Need to keep strength up in order to deal with Severus.

Sequestered self in library to work through some of Lucius's more exciting books. Dark Arts I mean, not the sexy ones. For some reason not in the mood for that kind of thing. Lip quivered when saw sofa, but refrained from full on snivelling fit. Memories of that first evening came flooding back. He'd been so surprised when I had said we should try it in a bed next time; I hoped it was something as simple as cold feet. I just needed to get to talk to him to sort it out. Settled down and began working on a way to get past Hogwarts wards.

Dobby's report turned up at 4pm. Harry brought it through to me.

Couldn't read it at first. Nothing to do with nerves, merely his handwriting was appalling as was his spelling. I may have taught Dobby to read and write, but no one said it had been entirely successful. Some people thought that I would go back to Hogwarts as a teacher but never had the patience for it.

Dobby's letter read:




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So all the evidence was in. Dumbledore was definitely lying to me about Severus's whereabouts. (Knew that but note to self - look for beard destroying charms). Severus was alternating between terrifying his students - if including Slytherins was obviously in a very bad way - and holing up in his rooms, drinking lotz and lotz and relieving happier times in our pensieve.

Don't know what is going on but clear that the silly sod is heartbroken at ending of relationship, therefore very short conversation all that likely to be needed to persuade him to be re-engaged. Although as far as I am concerned I haven't accepted breaking up and therefore we still are engaged.


Therefore order of business as I see it is to get past Hogwarts wards. Track him down, pin him to the bed, find out what the problem is, sort it out, shout at him a bit for being a prat, shag him senseless, sorry that should be kiss and make-up, then shag him senseless.

Obviously I will hold this over his head for the rest of his life in any future arguments. Should be good for getting my own way for an awfully long time to come.

Go to dinner in much more cheerful frame of mind.

Evening was spent researching beard charms. Also restraining charms - stupefy going to be no good as need Severus to be conscious to be harangued - but suspect that silly sod so determined to be miserable that merely talking to him isn't going to be enough. Have to make sure that he stays still long enough to hear what I am saying. Could take along the handcuffs I suppose, would keep him still, and might bring back some happy memories. Although the way he is playing with the pensieve the last thing he needs is to have happy memories being brought back.

Also sorted out four ways to get past the Hogwarts wards.

Just a question of what to do about it and when.

Gather that another council of war to be called tomorrow. May need some help to get some of the things I need.

Make Notes

24th January, 2004. 11:55 pm. What the hell is going on

Felt a bit better after had blown nose, applied cold flannel to face, and downed third glass of brandy. Lucius seemed so sure that Severus just got cold feet. Just a matter of tracking him down, find out what on earth he was wobbling for, and then could fall into his arms and shag like bunnies.

Pushed very firmly to back of head the thought that Lucius might be wrong. Couldn't be wrong. Severus couldn't have gone from being soppy bastard and Slytherin sex machine to heartless bastard in less than four days.

All some terrible mistake. Will sort it out and then go back to being happy. Just don't seem to be able to stop snivelling which isn't very helpful. Alternate between snivelling and wanting to hex his fucking balls off.

Ooops. Have broken glass. Probably expensive hand cut crystal handed down through the generations, although knowing Lucius its just as likely to be from Woolies. He wouldn't want to risk the good stuff on a woman in my emotional state.

Quick reparo and no one will be wiser.

Bundle of nerves waiting for feedback and keep pacing backwards and forwards.

Seemed like days before a gentle tap on the door signalled Harry fetching me to the council of war. He couldn't meet my eyes. Doesn't look like good news then.

Shall become an anchorite. Is the romantically approved thing to do in case of heartbreak. Not sure what one is, other than some sort of nun.

Meeting consists of Pansy, Ginny, Harry, Ron, Draco, and Lucius. Could well do without the junior Malfoy, but think he can tell that if he makes one remark out of place he will be going through the windows, daddy's reputation for being a duelling master or not.

Got a hair trigger at the moment, and most people here have seen it in action often enough not to want to see it again. Remind self that they are here to help and that a hexed person often finds it difficult to be helpful.

Pansy goes first. Sister reports that Severus being an even bigger bastard than usual and has even been deducting points from Slytherin. Not a good sign. He looked strained and unwell and didn't appear to be sleeping well. I don't imagine that is what the little brat said, but Pansy had the sense to edit for wider consumption. May be prepared to insult and hex bastard but that is my privilege and no one else's.

Looking encouraging so far. If really was complete tosser would be dancing around with glee. Seems to be displaying all signs of heartbreak which is good news in one way, although complete blinding puzzle in another. What is the silly sod up to?

Harry's report next. Confirmed that Severus was on the premises using the Marauder's Map. Appeared to be in his quarters. Dumbledore established to be lying son of a bitch. But we knew that anyway. If anyone thinks Harry has forgiven or forgotten Dumbledore conveniently forgetting to mention that prophecy for so long, well they must be very stupid is all I can say. Suspect Dumbledore in that category.

He will have to pay for that little fib, and I shall turn my mind to something suitable. Shame that days of being schoolgirl over and can no longer send envelopes full of bubotuber puss to people that piss you off. On the other hand, can actually cast much nastier hexes then when was at school so swings and roundabouts really. I think that beard he is so fond of needs to go. Probably some sort of penis substitute for him. Since wizard's don't have cars, the nearest equivalent they can get to saying my dick is bigger than your dick, is to grow a very long beard.

Dobby has been recruited as information source or spy on our behalf. Will be sending reports to us by owl. All that time spent teaching him to read and write has paid off after all.

Harry still looking a bit shifty though. So I ask him what the bad news is. Apparently I am forbidden from entering Hogwarts grounds. They don't just have anti-apparition wards, now they have anti-Hermione wards. Only way I can get in is if I am invited by a member of staff, and since only likely person to do so and stand up to Dumbledore is McGonagall and I called her a harridan and told her to fuck off, I don't like my chances.

Christ when I was at Hogwarts you couldn't move for deatheaters, and other nasty people sneaking into the school at night to do bad things to the students and occasionally the teachers. You couldn't walk around late at night without bumping into someone up to no good.

Now was not the time to tighten up school security.

Feel a bit better. Clear that whatever going on does not mean that Severus fallen out of love with me. Council agree with that, and general consensus appears to be that the prospect of meeting my in-laws was too much for him and he has bottled it.

Therefore is imperative that I get into Hogwarts and get hold of him to persuade him that whatever is wrong can be sorted out.

Damn Dumbledore.

Shall set his beard on fire.


Was late and all decided to go to bed. Would reconvene once had first report from Dobby and then work out a strategy. Temper cooled slightly now so prepared to admit that first choice of storming the castle and putting Dumbledore to the sword (alright wand) was not likely to be the most productive.

However have gone from heartbreak to fury back to heartbreak again all in one day. Feel very tired. Also have to admit to being very worried that something serious wrong. Although there had bloody well better be something seriously wrong bearing in mind the amount of sodding anxiety the bastard has put me through.

What on earth is going on with Severus?

Current mood: bewildered.

Make Notes

24th January, 2004. 12:55 pm. And an answer

Owl arrived from Severus this morning. Reason for delay in arrival obvious from its contents.



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The bastard. The shit head. The wanker. The fucker. The cunt. The absolute shit-licking pox ridden bastard child of a syphilitic whore and a leprous whoremonger.

I am going to kill him. I am going to cut his prick off and pickle it. I am going to rip his head off and spit down the bloody hole. I am going to fill his bones with molten lead whilst he is still breathing. I am going to flay him alive and use him for a book cover, and then roll him in salt. I am going to hang draw and BLOODY quarter him.

I will make anything Voldemort ever did to him look like a bloody picnic.

Short acquaintance!

Liaison!

Keep the ring???!!

I am going to insert the ring so far into his anal cavity he will be wearing it on his tongue.

And to dump me by owl. The COWARD.



Apparated to gates of Hogwarts and went storming up the drive. Bumped into Professor McGonagall. She looked shifty. Open secret then that there was trouble in paradise. Been laughing about it over your cornflakes this morning. Bitch. Asked her where he was between clenched teeth. She refused to tell me, and asked whether it was wise to pursue the matter.

Called her an old harridan and to fuck off. May not be wise but was bloody well going to have it out with him - he owed me that much at least.

The Dumbledore appeared and he gave me some old flannel about Severus not being there. Had gone away for a few days for some peace and quiet. In term time. Not bloody likely. Headed off towards dungeons, but he cheated and made the staircases refuse to move for me. Men all stick together. Bastards.

By this stage was incandescent with fury. Could have used me to light cigarettes. Or provide power for a large town.

He got me into his office somehow and forced a brandy down me. Called him a bloody interfering doddering old fool - day not entirely without joy then, he has had that coming for a very long time.

He flooed Ron to come and pick me up. Told him that I had had bad shock and poor delicate flower like myself needed to be escorted off the premises and soothed and looked after. Nothing at all to do with preventing me from finding the soon-to-be-dickless Potions Master and having a fully fledged fight on his hands. Severus may frighten a lot of people, but the mood I was in I could have chewed him up and spat out the pieces. Literally.

Ron came and I was duly flooed to his house. Pansy was there and not looking very happy. Suppose she thought I was after her precious little Ronniekins. She needn't worry - no chance of that ever happening without a lust potion or chloroform, for both of us.

Ron ummed and ahhed but told her that best not to leave me alone in this state. Last time he had seen me like that I had tried to top McNair by beating him over the head with a chair. Very nearly succeeded too. Bastards pulled me off before I could get really going, and hit Harry by mistake. Gave him a lovely black eye.

So was then shunted off to Harry at Malfoy Manor. If had been in mood for a laugh would have been amused to see Lucius's face when his best Napoleon brandy was being poured down my neck for shock. To give him his due he poured out the second glass himself when I managed to choke out what had happened. Been dumped. Heartless bastard never loved me.

Harry put an arm round me and said that we would hunt him down like the greasy git he was and make him pay. Draco and Lucius were thinking what's with the we business. They got even twitchier when he said it would be quite like old times - hunting down evil bastards together.

Lucius then asked to see the letter in question. Brandy had addled my brains to extent that happy to do so. Was sitting there sniffing and frankly snottling all over Lucius's nice sofa, when he said that he had never seen Snape so besotted over anything up to and including very expensive potions textbooks and that whatever was going on was not because not in love.

Perked up a bit at this. Harry looked a little disappointed but then conceded that Snape had looked head over heels and matter needed investigating before he was de-bollocked.

Think Lucius and Draco think that was an exaggeration. They think that ex-deatheater Slytherins have the monopoly on mindless violence. Bloody wrong. If you want mayhem there is nothing to beat a very pissed-off Gryffindor.


Harry was despatched to my flat to pick up some stuff and it was agreed that they would see what they could find out whilst I had some dinner and a bit of a clean up. Council of war to be held in a couple of hours once they had contacted their sources.

Harry called Ron who called Pansy who owled her little sister at Hogwarts for whatever gossip she had. Harry flooed over to see Dumbledore, not because he thought the old sod would tell him anything but so he could have a quick word with Dobby and check with the Marauders' Map to see whether Severus was still in the school. Draco owled Ginny to come and give me moral support and tissues.

Lucius just poured me another glass of brandy and then showed me to a guest bedroom.

Current mood: angry.

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